Chapter 14: Samson's Marriage Samson finds a woman in Timnah - a Phillistine woman - and tells his mom and dad to nab her for him. His dad wonders why he couldn't marry one of his relatives - incest anyone? Apparently, God wanted him to marry a philistine so he could start a fight with … Continue reading Judges: Chapters 14, 15, and 16
Judges: Chapters 11, 12, and 13
Chapter 11 So there's this dude Jephthah who promised the lord that he would strike down the first thing that greets him at his door when he got home if he crushed the Ammonites for him. Of course the lord obliges and kills all the Ammonites. Then Jephthah goes home and is greeted by his … Continue reading Judges: Chapters 11, 12, and 13
Judges: Chapters 8, 9, and 10
Chapter 8 Gideon dies and the Israelites go back to worshiping another God. Chapter 9 Ok, a lot going on here. I'm going to condense it. Gideon had a bunch of sons before he died, like 72. He had a bunch of wives and a concubine, which is apparently a female slave. The son she … Continue reading Judges: Chapters 8, 9, and 10
Judges: Chapters 5, 6, and 7
Chapter 5 Just coming back after about a year off. Deborah is a bad-ass. She sings a song. In the song a dude (Sisera) is stabbed in the head with a tent stake. Don't really know why. Also not sure if it was Deborah doing the stabbing or just the singing. Chapter 6 This chapter … Continue reading Judges: Chapters 5, 6, and 7
Judges 3 – 4
Chapter 3: God didn’t clear all of the original inhabitants of the land so that the Israelites would be tested not to break gods commandments. God allowed the following Peoples to live amongst the Israelites: Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. Of course, the Israelites broke gods rules, took their women as wives, worshipped … Continue reading Judges 3 – 4
Judges 1 – 2
Chapter 1: so now Judah is the main man. God sends them to fight the Canaanites and they kill 10000 of them. Then they find their leader and cut off his thumbs and big toes. Whoa. Then Judah’s folks go and take Jerusalem and set that shit on fire. I thought they’ve already done that? … Continue reading Judges 1 – 2
Joshua 22 – 24
Chapter 22: this is a confusing chapter. Reubens people, Gads people, and half of Manassehs people live on one side of the Jordan River and the rest of the Israelites on the other. They build an alter, but not one to god and the other Israelites are pissed so they are about to go to … Continue reading Joshua 22 – 24
Joshua 17 – 21
Chapter 17: Manasseh divides up all the land amongst the Israelites. In one area, there were Canaanites that couldn’t be driven from the land so they were enslaved. Apparently the Canaanites had iron chariots which I assume means they are hard to fight. Also, this chapter and a few before have mentioned a land of … Continue reading Joshua 17 – 21
Joshua: Chapter 11 -16
Chapter 11: Joshua and the Israelites went into Israel and the surrounding lands and killed all the inhabitants and Kong’s mid several kingdoms. All but the Hivites who somehow made peace with the Israelites. They lived in Gibeon. No explanation given though of course. Chapter 12: Recounts the number and names of the Kong’s and … Continue reading Joshua: Chapter 11 -16
Joshua: Chapters 7, 8, 9, and 10
Chapter 7: some dufus from the tribe of Judah decides to steal some expensive clothes from (some Babylonian clothes to be exact) the spoils of Jericho and god considers them to be accursed things apparently, so Joshua stones the dude and lights his ass on fire to appease the lord. Sounds reasonable... Chapter 8: josh … Continue reading Joshua: Chapters 7, 8, 9, and 10
Bible Shakedown 